1) Farts at face level.
(Whatever you people are eating… STOP!)
2) People touching you and saying, “Are you real?”
(No, I’m a flashback. You obviously did way too much acid.)
3) Trying to find shirts that fit that DON’T have puppies, sparkles, unicorns, cartoons, or the words “Daddy’s girl” on them.
4) Your spouse being asked, “And what will your daughter be having?”
(Your freaking job on a platter.)
5) Conversations like.
Me: “I’d like an Irish Coffee please.”
Staff: “Oh sweetie, that has alcohol in it. Would you like a Shirley Temple instead?”
Me: “Only if she’s bringing me a friggin Irish Coffee!”
6) Not being able to get routine medical tests because in some situations one size DOES NOT FIT ALL. (Ladies, you know what I’m saying.)
7) Having the height on your driver’s license wrong because the options don’t go down that low.
1/2) Being able to write lists like this. Sigh.